Government and non-governmental institutions are considering dowry-related domestic violence as a major threat to the development of the country and are developing new programs to assist women in need.  “We have a special victim support center in Dhaka for women. There is a branch in Chittagong, too. We also have a separate court for women and child cases, it’s under the Women and Child Act,” says Alam, the police officer in Chittagong.  Unfortunately, few women – terrified of their husbands – take advantage of these resources.  Khan explains why:  “Complaints to the police will do no good. When her complaint reaches her husband’s ears, all hell might break loose.  If a wife is thrown out of her house by her husband, and she has no income or education, she has no option but to stay with her father.  This becomes not only a matter of financial strain but also sometimes a matter of shame for her father’s family.”

Shaheen and Hafeeza, like many women in Bangladesh, think complaining to the police against their husbands is not justifiable.  Furthermore, it will make their husbands angrier, which could lead to more physical abuse. They have made up their minds to face both the threat and use of force for the sake of sustaining their marriages. A woman without a husband or a family is often shunned by society in Bangladesh, and both women are unwilling to face such ostracism.  “Many times I thought I would leave him and go somewhere. But later I think how people will talk about me if I leave my husband,” says Hafeeza, trying to defend her decision.  “They will say I ran away with another man. They will say I went against God’s will. I would be a fool to run away.”

Even though Hafeeza and Shaheen refuse to seek legal advice, they do understand the injustice of their situation. Hafeeza says, “I never support him [her brother-in-law, Shaheen’s husband]. He is doing this to his wife, that’s why he can’t stop what my husband is doing to me. He doesn’t realize that my husband is doing the same thing as he is doing. He should stop this. He shouldn’t do this.”  Hafeeza also says, “If someone is being punished for his wrong, then the others will be scared from doing the same.” But when asked about who should be responsible for bringing justice, she is silent.

Why would dowry drive men to be violent against their wives?  What gives a man the courage even to kill his wife, if the dowry demand is not met?  How can he justify murder?

Poverty, along with a retinue of other social problems, makes husbands, the traditional breadwinners of Bangladeshi families, more prone to being violent. They seek equality by beating their wives, who they see as not having to struggle for a living. Aggression tends to increase when the men understand that they could be better off financially if the wife brings a dowry.  Thus, dowry-related violence cannot be eliminated unless poverty is reduced.

Khan, the Assistant Professor at the School of Law at the Bangladesh Rural Advancement Committee University and a founding member of Odhikar, gives her opinion on ending violence against women in Bangladesh. She calls for three efforts to tackle dowry-related violence:  first, strong political will to bring about change; second, an end to the corruption and misuse of the police system; third, and perhaps most important, more affirmative action from organizations so that they actually stop the violence and not sustain it so as to sustain their own funding.

“My husband is from a good family, much better than mine. He is little bit educated also, not like me. So, he will be able to marry again. But who will marry me? If I leave, I can never have a husband again,” Shaheen says with a weeping voice.  “Even if he beats me, I am lucky to have a husband. I still can’t understand why he beats me.”  Both Shaheen and Hafeeza are horrified that revealing their stories for this article might result in their deaths.  But along with countless other Bangladeshi women and girls, they must eventually accept that their strength as women – their willingness to endure marital violence for the honour of their families and the future of their children – is ultimately what will kill them.